I wonder if I will look like I once did, not so long ago, youthful. happy, even a little beautiful, or will I be swollen, my skin dehydrated, covered in hives, or God forbid, in full blown anaphylaxis? I wonder.

I wonder if today, I will be having a delightful spa-like shower, or will I spend most of this day in my bedroom, not the best view of my lovely neighborhood, suffering from the apparent trigger I have unknowingly come in to contact with. I wonder.

I wonder if I will be able to sit on my patio today, listening to the beautiful birds, and breathe in this delicious gift of fresh air, or if I will be confined to my bed, unable to keep even sips of water down. I wonder.

I wonder if today, I will be able to go for a walk, or maybe a nice farmers market, regardless if my feet and legs swell, or will my sheer fear, continue preventing me from going any further than the confines of my home. I wonder.

I wonder if people know how it feels, to be able to be home every single day with my family, to listen and join in on their laughter, and share in their joys. Or do they just see a pitiful 44 year old woman stuck at home, on disability. I wonder.

I wonder if when people take the time to ask how I am, they realize the amazing light filled gift they are giving me, just by wishing me well. (Yes we ARE, that powerful) Or do they think that their mere words are not enough, or don’t matter? I wonder.

I wonder if others realize this beautiful gift we are given, to wake up and have our very breath, to be able to share your light with the world, one more time. Or do they slam off the alarm and curse the start of yet another day. I wonder.

I wonder if the day will come, when we learn to lead with love, without judgement or hate of things we don’t understand. Or will we continue to make the same past mistakes, for fear of having an opinion of our own? I wonder.